Longing

I long for something greater. something radical and world changing. something that fulfils me in a way that i cannot describe to you. To feel God working through me like when in Haiti or Cambodia. I guess i just miss the "thrill" if you will, of being apart of something HUGE! Feeling the presence of God in such a tangible way like bringing Jesus to the nations.... I always dreamed of opening an orphanage overseas, rescuing children off the streets....of bringing people to the Lord! Lately i feel like God is imparting to me that THIS. This is my job right now. Raising my boys to love and fear the Lord. To be radical world changers for him, because after i am gone. THEY are going to be the next generation. Sometimes it's so hard to see things in these terms in the day to day of life. Changing dirty diapers all day, making dinner, doing laundry, sleepless nights and ear infections! (Levi right now unfortunately). But i think we must see things in a bigger picture. I just get so discouraged thinking I'm not doing a good job raising my boys! That i am a failure!
I am listening to the Lies of Satan. Of COURSE he does not want me to be raising men of God who are going to bring people to Christ and stand up against him! The devil wants me to put my children in day care all day! have a prestigious carer and make tons of money so that i do not need God! SCREW THAT. and screw Satan because that is a LIE.
(Just to clarify i have nothing against mom's who do work, i just am having a revelation that it is not my calling.) And i am sick of feeling guilty for staying home! Our society is so backwards. Being a parent is a huge calling. and a very important responsibility.
Lord help me to raise my children to love and fear you... to teach them your laws and to impart to them YOUR heart.... your unconditional love and grace. Help me to not be discouraged in the day to day monotony of life. but to see my life and my calling through YOUR eyes. not my own.
I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.